Is This What Life is About? | My Grief Journey

It's Sunday, June 12, 2022. I just finished reading a summary of notes from a mental health professional, who happens to also be a great content creator. I purchased healing sessions with her, and I also purchased a content strategy session because I know I need to get off the bench, back in the game, and out of isolation. She encourages me to share my grief journey, so here I am.

I won't lie, it's difficult, and I still can't believe this is a part of a new chapter in my life, or story. And if you knew Sean and what happened, 10 times out of 10 you're thinking the same.

Today makes 16 weeks since our son transitioned. It's very hard for me to use words like died, killed, grave, and buried – so I never do. We still haven't ordered the marker because I am not ready to see his name on the ground.

Another reason is my youngest grandson is 3 years old and learning to spell his own name. His mother visits the garden often and the baby just rides his scooter around; it's all so sad to me. He doesn't understand whats going on, so seeing his last name on the grave may be triggering.

Garden, I use that word instead of graveyard because that's how I feel when I enter the space. It's so peaceful and well maintained.

Losing a child unexpectedly changes you at your core. I understood exactly how those parents felt when I heard about the 19 children in Texas. It is more than heartbreaking to have a total stranger who knew nothing about your child take their life.

I wanted to hug every single one of them. Not to reassure them that everything would be fine, but to let them know that I understand how they are feeling and that it is okay for them to scream, throw things, feel all of the feelings, and even retreat.

Every day, I wake up and ask my child to help me get through the day. I go to sleep asking him to visit me in my dreams. I scream several times a day asking why! What is the reason!!?? He was such a good person!!

Is this what life is about? You love someone with every cell in your body just to lose them! What's the point?

I've had a plethora of comments saying, “He's always with you.” Sure, I see signs that he visits me a lot, just like the one above of the red-bird watching me cry. Signs that I try to capture on video but never do. Signs that'll have people thinking you're crazy if you didn't have proof.

I appreciate each and every one of them, however, they do not replace my son. I'm sure that as time passes I'll cherish them even more, so want them to continue since they do sometimes comfort me.

Well, that's all for now. There's a resource section below where I included a link to a video regarding life after death. I watch it from time to time because it somehow feels true. I’ve also added a link to the therapist in case you are interested in her services.

Also, I know some of you may be wondering what happened to Sean since this is my first blog post about grief.

On Feb, 20, 2022 his life was taken in a drive-by-shooting. He was riding his ATV near the 5000 block of S. Flamingo Road in Cooper City, Florida, with over 1,000 other riders for a Good Vibes Only ride when someone driving a white escalade without a license plate drove past with the passenger firing a machine gun.

My son was one of the victims hit and the only one who passed away.

Sean was an incredible son & human being, a loving partner, devoted father, full-time entrepreneur, mentor, and was adored by his family and many of his peers from all over the United States. He will truly be missed!

If there is one thing I've learned in life that is we live in a small world. If you or anyone you know has any information that could lead to the arrest and conviction of all those involved, please contact the detective using the information provided below.

John Curcio
Cell (954) 605-8119
Email: john_curcio@sheriff.org

Crime Stoppers – $5,000 Reward
CALL (954) 493-TIPS (8477)
www.browardcrimestoppers.org

Thank you for taking the time to read my first blog on my grief journey. Sean is my only child and the reason for everything I've done. I'm happy and grateful that he chose me to be his mother.

Being his mom has been nothing short of a wonderful experience. I hope to make him as proud as he made me.

Resources:

1. Check out Keionna Rose for a healing session, or to get help with your content creator journey.
2. Check out this video about life after death by Dolores Cannon. There are over 5,400 comments.

Have you seen signs of visits from loved ones that have transitioned over to the other side? I'd love to read them in the comment section below.

Be Well,